womp womp

HOLY BALLS I have a headache.  A headache that pulsates with the sounds of middle-schoolers talking out of turn and laughing at things they will one day realize are not actually funny.  Instead of having a song stuck in my head, I have, "But miss, it wasn't me!" and "(insert name), you need to sit down/stop talking/turn around/get to work" playing over and over.

I'm seeing myself revert to what I always do: wishing I could start over.  I always tell myself, "If I could just go back and do it over, things would be SO much better!"  Yeah, obviously.  Because I would know what happens otherwise.  I know that this is an excellent learning opportunity for me, that this is what student teaching is all about, that I will learn for next time what I should have done and for this time - and possibly any time in the future - what to do reactively and what kind of classroom management style is all my own.  That last one I also know will not be totally developed in the span of a single semester, which is fine; I'm not supposed to have it all down, just a moderately solid idea.

I talked to my cooperating teacher after class and then called my mom (after calling three students' parents! mwahahaha) on my way to work, because she's been teaching since before she even met my dad and knows pretty much everything.  They both agree that I need to start cracking down (I taught the kids that idiom a couple of weeks ago…if they don't remember what it means, they will soon enough!).  My mom also suggested a new seating arrangement - a must, I already decided with my CT - that involves moving the kids as far away from one another as possible.  While that could sound to some like a drastic last-ditch effort, I think it could work, especially with such a small class.  They enjoy being near each other, but that is exactly what gets them all off track.  Moving them apart is not so much a punishment as an introduction to a "new" class atmosphere.  As they learn to participate respectfully and appropriately, they can move back toward the center.  She also suggested a class meeting, of which I am totally in favor: I will lay upon them the responsibility of developing a new set of class "Standards, Expectations, and Procedures" (a.k.a. "rules"), as well as the rewards for following/meeting them and the consequences for not doing so.  Hopefully, this will help them take some ownership of the class and how it proceeds, as well as teaching them to hold one another accountable.  This will also (ideally) help in that these are not my rules, but rather theirs.  That means that when they refuse to meet one of those expectations, I can turn it back around and say, "You thought this was important.  This was your rule."

So we'll see how it goes.  I'm trying to not get too discouraged.  I'm trying even harder to not let myself start to think, "Maybe I just can't teach in an urban school."  I don't want to give up that easily.  I don't want to give up at all, actually.  I just keep telling myself what other (extremely successful) teachers have told me before: "You just have to grow some balls and be a b*tch.  It's gonna suck for a little while, but then it'll be awesome for a lot longer."

Oh, also, today my CT told me I'm a softie.  Womp womp.

eek!

I just gotta say this really quick before I chicken out: I am a little bit terrified.  Tomorrow I take over the classes for realsies.  Granted, I've been teaching the 7th-grade class solo for weeks now, so that won't be much different.  And I know the 8th-graders well enough by now; they're just not used to me being their only teacher.  I kinda (actually, I really) want to be a bit more firm and strict than we have been recently, but I'm not totally sure how to do that without just being unrealistically nit-picky (something I've been trying to actively work on NOT being).  The other factor is that I'm planning these units entirely on my own, and while planning is actually enjoyable to me (gross, right?), I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing this week (or in any of the weeks following).  I do have M-W planned solidly, though…that's enough for a Sunday night, right?

All that said, I actually do feel kind of excited about the lesson tomorrow.  I really believe it will be fun - as long as they don't get totally out of control with it.  But I'm using my trusty on-screen timer* and (I think) quick and natural transitions, so hopefully there won't really be any time to get out of control anyway.

Oy vey.  Wish me luck.

*To any teachers/student teachers/pre-service teachers/whatever NOT using a timer regularly, I highly recommend you try it!  Especially in classes that are tough to get going or that contain a number of students who like to get distracted or distract others.  I've only been using it for a couple of days - despite the advice practically every teacher I've ever met has given me - and it has really made an obvious change in the way class moves along.  The students don't necessarily all finish their work - probably have to give it a bit more than a few days for them to really get the hang of working quickly - but they realize that the time that they waste talking and goofing around will NOT be made up.  (Two points I feel I should make: 1) the goal is not necessarily to teach them to always work quickly, but rather teaching them to get and stay focused and to take ownership and responsibility for the time they spend in class; 2) I am certainly not against make-up work, but both of our classes have had serious issues with getting work done in class in the time allotted, so I want them all to learn that class time is, indeed, for working.)

Here's a picture that always makes me smile because why not right now?

G'night!